Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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