he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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