my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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