I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
