Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
