Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
