We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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