I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
