To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
