yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
