nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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