Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
wakey wakey hands off snakey
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
