no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
