I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
