I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
