And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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