Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
