Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
