Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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