i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I want her autograph on my taint
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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