i just made my gag reflex go away.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
