in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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