Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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