I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
