he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I have already put on my inside pants.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
