just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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