i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Did you just see the Batmobile???
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My vagina is very pro this idea
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
