I can tuck mytits in my pants
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
