i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
