I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
