Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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