see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
