Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
