2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
