My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Bring me that man meat
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
