i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
