Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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