You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
