I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
