Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
