I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
