so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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