You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
