Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
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