So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
