Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize
