just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
