come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
