Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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