If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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