sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
