Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
