dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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