I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
