fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
